Do you have a little voice in your head that repeats negative thoughts and scenarios?- Are you feeling discouraged and anxious that you can never have what you want?
- Do you feel confused and lack clarity on how to move forward?
Negative self-talk is something we all experience at different intensities throughout life. It can seriously prevent us from living our dreams. Whether you are a parent, business professionals, an entrepreneur, a CEO or an MD, we all go through phases of “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do this..”, ” I doubt I can…”, “what if this doesn’t work”…etc. We often create doom scenarios and we rehearse this negative situation so many times in our heads that we keep going in circles and never really dare to take off.
Where does this negative-self talk come from? As you journey through life you are constantly picking up “data” about different areas of your life- relationships, health, money, self worth, marriage, children etc. since our childhood days. So for example, if growing up you were constantly compared to your siblings and made to feel “not as good as, as kind as, as smart as your sibling”, now as an adult when you are offered a job promotion, or you want to do a challenging project, that “internalized critical voice” may come up and keep you from taking action. Or if at some point in your life you had an experience where you were responsible for an important project and it failed, when you have any new opportunity, the negative voice may remind you of those failures and stop you from taking action. There could be any number of similar scenarios but I think you get the picture.
So how can you overcome this negative internal chatter that seems to paralyze you from moving forward? Here are 4 steps to move past Negative Self -Talk.
Step 1: Take A Pause
You can only stop something when you are consciously aware of it.
You can only become aware of what’s going on in and around you when you Take A Pause!
- So take a PAUSE
- Listen to the Negative chatter in your head about the issue at hand (whether the issue is about health/money/a relationship/a pattern/ work etc.)
Step 2. Write It Down
You can’t throw away the dirt or garbage if you don’t see it first. Since the negative chatter is floating around in your head, it’s good to collect it all in one place so you see it all!
- Get a piece of paper and a pencil
- Write down the negative Inner Chatter.
- Write your feelings, thoughts, limiting beliefs, memories, past experiences about this issue (or issues)
Step 3: Question and Challenge – When we have negative chatter, and we blindly buy into it without questioning or challenging it. Why? Because it FEELS LIKE our truth. Because it has happened and it feels like an unchangeable fact of our lives!
But as we begin to QUESTION and CHALLENGE it, we recognize that it is far from the truth. In fact, often, it’s a lie! So once you have written out all the negative chatter (and yes it will take a while if you are open, honest and willing to do the work), read the statement out loud to yourself one by one.
QUESTION each negative statement. Ask yourself it that statement The Absolute Truth? Unchangeable?
Find creative ways to challenge that negative statement.
See if you have ANY proof against that statement. Even a SINGLE experience/evidence to prove that that negative statement is not a FACT will do.
Step 4: Replace and Reframe – Once you’ve become aware of the negative chatter, questioned and challenged it, it will soften in its intensity. It won’t feel like an unchangeable truth. It will feel more flexible. Now, you can begin to introduce more supportive, encouraging, positive statement against each of the negative ones. Here are some examples:
| Negative Inner Chatter Statement | VS | Supportive/Positive Statement |
|
I do many things successfully | |
|
I’m taking steps to achieving my goals | |
|
What if it’s not the end of the world! What if it all goes well! | |
|
I am who I am. I intend to do my best! | |
Negative self-talk will always be a player as we move through life. The idea is not to stop it completely. I don’t believe that it’s realistically possible to do that. I do believe however that whenever the negative self talk surfaces, you need to acknowledge it, become aware of it, question and challenge it to soften its intensity and then creatively pivot the inner dialogue to a more supportive one. And get out there and go live your dreams!
Image Copyright: netsay / 123RF Stock Photo
